For most of my life, I've been a generally positive, optimistic person. Yet by the end of 2020, I found myself deeply depressed.
I hit burnout, AGAIN, and was tired of running around, trying to prove myself. I had just quit my fitness coaching business as it felt misaligned, but this led to me questioning my existence. Also worth mentioning, this was the first significant time I really followed my intuition and took a leap of faith into the unknown.
The reason my career was no longer feeling aligned was because something was missing. I knew I was good at what I did, but I just didn't feel like I could fully serve my clients. Sure, I spent 4 years & $35,000+ on a college degree, and I could have just kept taking people's money as they asked me for workout programs, nutrition support and accountability, but deep down I knew they needed ALOT more than these things to actually reach their goals and keep the results for good.
The real obstacles that kept my clients stuck was usually negative self talk, limiting beliefs, and self sabotage. I witnessed these patterns over and over again, and even tried offering tools like mindset work, meditation and journalling. It still didn't feel like enough, and I was driven to solve the root of these problems. This is why I stepped away from the traditional model of personal training.
But... I had built my entire identity around my 8-year fitness career… “Who was I without it?" and "What do I do now?” were thoughts that left me feeling such a lack of purpose. For a while, I was on a crazy emotional rollercoaster, experiencing waves of anxiety & depression that I couldn't seem to shake, no matter how much I tried to be positive. I had a hard time getting out of bed in the mornings, and things just felt dull. "What's the point of anything", I thought.
I craved inner peace & emotional stability. I had spent so much of my life trying to fit in & be accepted by others, that I had become disconnected from my own truth. I didn't fully know myself.
While this time was super painful for me, it was also the catalyst to my next evolution.
This was when I stumbled down the rabbit hole of self-discovery. I finally took a deep dive into personal & spiritual development, and this is when my life completely changed!
From astrology to Human Design, inner child & shadow work, somatic healing, nervous system regulation and biohacking... I questioned everything I thought I knew and began to build a stronger relationship with my intuition.
As I started to understand myself better, the most beautiful, transformative shift occurred. For the first time ever, I felt at peace with myself. I could see the reasons for what made me, me (based on my upbringing and the nature of my soul).
This awareness allowed me to STOP trying to "be like everyone else" and to actually ACCEPT myself just as I am. I began to truly love myself. Self-love is powerful beyond words, and it's something I wish for everyone.
I also realized that I had lived most of my life in a chronic state of fight-or-flight. This is a nervous system response to danger (perceived or real) or trauma that's designed to keep us safe. The problem was that my body was having difficulty returning to a relaxed state, therefore I was constantly feeling burnt out. My mind was often spinning with anxiety, I never felt like I was doing or achieving enough, and I had a whole list of digestive and hormonal problems.
Part of the cause of this was that I tied my self worth to my achievements (it's a BIG topic so I'll write another post all about it!) which meant that I wasn't allowing myself to rest. I was constantly chasing a to-do list and didn't know how to slow down and be present in the moment. As you can imagine, shifting this was absolutely life changing.
After going through such a deep inner transformation AND becoming certified as a trauma-informed life coach (after a 10-month training), I finally felt clarity on how I desired to be of service to the world. I desired to help women beyond physical health and fitness (although these are still very important pieces) bringing together the mental, emotional and spiritual work as well.
Now, I feel deeply connected to my purpose as a Holistic Life Coach, supporting women to overcome stress & anxiety, heal from burnout, break free from self-sabotage patterns, access inner peace, align with their higher self, and create their dream life.
I've gained such a deep understanding of how the body holds traumas, even something that may seem minor like that time when you were 5 years old and felt rejected on the playground. This can create a belief about your self-worth that gets buried deep into your subconscious (in your body) which dictates your automatic thoughts and actions as an adult. "Mindset" work or affirmations are simply not enough to just make it go away.
This is why an embodiment practice or somatic healing (beyond the level of the mind) is ESSENTIAL for true healing, growth and transformation. If this is something you're interested in, I offer 1:1 support.
Learn more about my coaching services here.
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